i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
