It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
