Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
