He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
