shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
