threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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