I hope mine doesn't look like that
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
