the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
