Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
