dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
