Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
