I hate your face
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
