we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
