Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
