he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
