R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I just threw up on my dentist
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
