turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
