sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
