woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Randomize
