it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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