Just cropdusted the office
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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