I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
