So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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