I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
