so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Dick very happy bro
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
