Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
is wine microwaveable?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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