it was like eating out sand paper
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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