We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
i believe in u and ur pee
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
