Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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