some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
