I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
What a dumb baby whore.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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