Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
