Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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