i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
