no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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