Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
