i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I didn't notice because vodka
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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