Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
organizing the empties. That sober.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
