Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
