Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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