I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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