Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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