I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
