Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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