We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
