Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
