Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
