I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
