i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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