I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
