I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
