God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
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